النص المفهرس

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may be able to fulfil the domestic tasks or to merely please himself, then in
such a case it will be wajib on him to provide her with food and clothing. If
he does not keep her and instead sends her to her parent's home, it will not
be wajib on him. If the husband is young and immature and the wife is
mature, she will be entitled to receive food and clothing.
4. The man did not give the mahr that is normally given in the beginning.
The woman therefore refuses to go and live with him. She will have to be
provided with food and clothing. But if she refuses to go to his house
without any valid reason, she will not be entitled to receive any food or
clothing. Once she goes to him, she will be entitled to receive the mahr.
5. For as long as she stays at her parent's home with the permission of her
husband, she can ask her husband to provide her with food and clothing.
6. A woman falls ill. While she is ill, she is still entitled to receive food and
clothing from her husband. This is irrespective of whether she falls ill at his
house or at her parent's house. However, if the husband asks her to come
and live with him while she is ill and she refuses to go, she will not be
entitled to receive any food or clothing from him.
While she is ill, she will only receive the expenses for her food and
clothing. It is not wajib on the man to provide her with medication or to pay
the doctor for his treatment. She has to pay for it herself. If the man
provides this, it will be out of his good will.
7. A woman went on hajj. During this period it is not wajib on the man to
give her any food or clothing expenses. But if the husband accompanies her
as well, he will have to provide her with food and clothing as well.
However, it will only be wajib on him to provide the food and clothing that
used to normally cost him at home. Any extra expenses in this regard will
have to be borne by her. Providing for the costs of transportation is also not
the responsibility of the husband.
8. In providing food and clothing, the financial position of both will have to
be considered. If both are rich, she will receive the food and clothing which
rich people are accustomed to. If both of them are poor, she will receive
that of poor people. If the husband is poor while the wife is from a rich
family or vice versa, she will receive food and clothing that is of an average
quality and price. In other words, it will be such that it is cheaper than the
food and clothing of rich people, but more expensive than the food and
clothing of poor people.
9. If the wife is so sick that she cannot undertake all the domestic duties, or
she is from an upper-class family and cannot do the menial tasks of the

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home such as cooking, cleaning, etc. and regards them as being below her
dignity, then she will have to be provided with food that has been prepared
and cooked by someone else.
If she is not sick nor is she from an upper class family, it will be wajib on
her to fulfil all the domestic duties with her own hands. All domestic tasks
will have to be fulfilled by her. The responsibility of the man is merely to
provide her with a stove, a grindstone, groceries, firewood, pots, pans,
utensils, etc. for eating and drinking. She must do the cooking and eat the
cooked food.
10. It is the man's responsibility to provide her with oil, a comb, oil cakes,
soap, and water for performing wudû' and taking a bath. It is not the man's
responsibility to provide her with surmah, scent, etc. It is not the
responsibility of the man to pay the washerman for washing the clothes.
She must wash and wear her clothes herself. If the man gets the clothes
washed or pays someone to do so, it will be out of his own good will.
11. If a mid-wife is called, her expenses will be borne 'by the one who
called her. If the man called her, he will have to pay her; and if the woman
called her, she will have to pay her. If the mid-wife comes on her own, the
man will have to bear her expenses.
12. If the man gave his wife the expenses for her food and clothing for the
entire year or for any other period before hand, he cannot take anything
back from there.
Providing a Shelter for the Wife
1. It is wajib on the man to provide a shelter for his wife. This place must
be such that no other relative of the husband lives there. It must be free
from any relative of the husband whereby the husband and wife can live
without any formalities. However, if the wife does not mind living with
others, it will be permissible for him to keep her in the same house with
other relatives of his.
2. The responsibility of the husband will be fulfilled if the wife is provided
with a separate room within the house where she can keep all her
belongings and personal effects, where she can stay, and where she has the
lock and key for it whereby no one else can enter and only she has
possession over it. The wife cannot lay claim to more than this nor can she
ask for an entirely separate house.

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3. Just as the wife has the right to ask for a separate house where none of
her husband's relatives are living and over which she has complete control,
in the same way, the man also has the right to prevent or stop her relatives
from coming to the house in which she is living. He can stop anyone
irrespective of whether it be her mother, her father, her brother, or anyone
else from among her relatives.
4. The wife can go to visit her parents once a week. She can go to visit all
her other relatives once a year. She cannot demand more than this.
Similarly, her parents can visit her once a week. The husband has the right
to prevent them from coming more often. All her other relatives can visit
her once in the year and not more than this. The husband has the right to
prevent them from visiting her more often. He can exercise this right over
her parents and other relatives as well. It should be borne in mind that
relatives in this context refer to those relatives with whom marriage is
harâm forever. As for other relatives who do not fall within this category
(such as cousins), they will be regarded as absolute strangers.
5. If the wife's father250 is ill and there is no one to take care of him, the
wife should go and see to his needs whenever the need arises, even if it
means going daily. Even if her father is a kâfir, the same rule will apply. In
fact, if her husband stops her from going, she should still go. However, if
she goes despite her husband stopping her from going, then she does not
have the right to claim food and clothing from her husband.
6. The wife should not go to the house of strangers. If there is a wedding or
other function and her husband permits her to go, even then it is not
permissible for her to go. If the husband grants her permission, he will also
be committing a sin. In fact, it is not even permissible to go to such
gatherings with one's mahram relatives as well.
7. The woman who has been issued with a divorce also has the right to
receive food, clothing and shelter until the end of her 'iddah. However, the
woman whose husband has passed away does not have the right to claim
for food, clothing and shelter. Obviously, she will receive a share of the
inheritance.
8. If the nikâh is broken due to some reason caused by the wife, she will not
be entitled to receive any food or clothing while she is in her 'iddah. She
will be entitled to receive a shelter only. Examples of nikâh being broken
because of the wife:
250 Even if her mother or other relative who has rights over her fall ill, she should go.

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(a) she engages in sexual intercourse with her step-son or
merely touches him with the passions of youth, and the
husband therefore divorces her.
(b) she becomes a kâfir and turns away from Islam.
However, if the wife decides to leave on her own and not take advantage of
the right to receive shelter, she may leave and thereby forfeit this right.
Legitimate Offspring
1. When a married woman gives birth to a child, that child will be attributed
to her husband. It is not permissible to say that this child is not her
husband's and that it is someone else's merely on a doubt or suspicion. It is
also not permissible to refer to such a child as being illegitimate. In an
Islamic state, such a slanderer will be whipped.
2. The minimum period of pregnancy is six months and the maximum
period is two years. In other words, a baby remains in the womb of a
woman for a minimum period of six months. It cannot be born before this
period.25 The maximum period it can remain in the womb is two years and
not more than this.
3. The basic principle of the Sharî'ah is that as far as is possible, a child
will not be regarded as being illegitimate. When there is no option left,
only then will the ruling be given that it is illegitimate and only then will
we say that the woman has committed a sin.
4. A person issued a talâqur raj'î to his wife. Thereafter, she gave birth to a
child within a period of two years. This child belongs to this husband. It is
not permissible to regard this child as being illegitimate. According to the
Sharî'ah, this child's lineage is in order. Even if this child is born one day
before the expiry of two years, the same rule will apply. It will be regarded
as if she had fallen pregnant before the divorce could be issued to her, that
the child remained in her womb for up to two years and that after delivering
the child her 'iddah has come to an end and she has now come out of the
nikâh with this man.
If this woman has already admitted that her 'iddah has come to an end
before she could give birth, then there will be no alternative but to say that
this child is illegitimate. In fact, if such a woman gives birth to a child after
two years and she has not admitted that her 'iddah has come to an end as
251
That is, it cannot be born as a normal, healthy baby before this period.

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yet, even then this child will be that husband's irrespective of how long it
takes to deliver this child. In this case, it will be understood that they had
engaged in sexual intercourse while she was still in her 'iddah and that he
had now revoked his divorce. Therefore, the child that is born will be his,
this woman will still remain his wife, and the nikâh will not be annulled. If
it is not the husband's child, he must say so and once he rejects this child,
the laws pertaining to li'ân will apply.
5. If a talâqul bâ'in was issued, the rule is that the child will be the
husband's if it is born within two years."
252
If it is born after two years, it
will be an illegitimate child. However, if the child is born after two years
and the husband still claims that it is his child, it will not be illegitimate. In
such a case it will be understood that they had unwittingly engaged in
sexual intercourse while she was still in her 'iddah and she fell pregnant
thereafter.
6. An immature girl who is close to maturity was given a divorce. After the
divorce, she gave birth to a child after a full nine months. This child is
illegitimate. if it is born within nine months, it will be attributed to the
husband. However, this girl will have to admit that she is pregnant while
she is still in her 'iddah, i.e within three months she will have to admit that
she is pregnant so that the child will not be regarded as illegitimate. If the
child is born within two years, it will be the husband's child, i.e. it will be
legitimate."
253
7. A woman's husband passed away. If she gives birth to a child within two
years from the time that he passed away, this child will not be illegitimate.
Instead, it will be attributed to the husband. However, if the woman had
already admitted to the expiry of her 'iddah then there will be no option but
to regard it as illegitimate. If it is born after two years, it will still be
illegitimate.
Note: We learn from these rules that the habit of accusing a woman of
adultery when she gives birth to a child a few months beyond nine months
after the death of her husband is a major sin.
8. If a child is born before six months after the nikâh, it is illegitimate. If it
is born on the completion of six months or thereafter, it is legitimate and it
is a sin to have any doubts with regard to its legitimacy. However, if the
husband rejects the child and says that it is not his, then the rules of li'ân
will apply.
252
This is on the condition that the woman did not admit to the expiry of her 'iddah.
253 This rule applies to a woman who was given a talaqul ba'in. If she was given a talaqur raj'î.
then the rule is that if the child is born within 27 months. it will be legitimate.

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9. The nikâh has been performed, but according to custom, the bride did not
leave her parents' home as yet. In the meantime, she gives birth to a child
and the husband does not reject it by saying that it is not his. This child will
be regarded as the husband's254 and will not be regarded as illegitimate. It is
not permissible for others to regard it as illegitimate. If it is not the
husband's, he should reject it and upon rejecting it, the laws of li'ân will
apply.
10. The husband is gone overseas for quite some time. Several years have
passed and he has not come home. In the meantime, his wife gives birth to
a child and the husband claims that it is his. Even in such a case, the
Sharî'ah will not regard this child as illegitimate and it will be attributed to
the husband.2>> However, if the husband rejects it after receiving this news,
the laws of li'ân will apply.
The Custody of Children
1. The husband and wife have been separated, divorce has taken place and
they have a small baby. The mother of the child has the right of custody
over the child. The father cannot take this child away. However, the father
will have to pay for all the expenses that will be borne in order to bring up
the child. If the mother does not take the child, and instead, gives it to the
father, he will have to take it. The mother cannot be forced to keep the
child.
2. If there is no mother or she refuses to take the child, the maternal
grandmother and then the maternal great grandmother have the right of
custody. Thereafter,25
the paternal grandmother or great grandmother will
have the right of custody. If they are not present, the blood sisters of the
child have the right of custody. If they are not present, then the stepsisters.
However, as regards stepsisters, those who are from the same mother will
254
This does not mean that this child was born from the sperm of the husband because the
intellect will be reluctant to accept this. What this means is that from the Shar'î point of view, this
child is regarded as the husband's child. A similar example to this mas'ala is of a person admitting
that he killed a particular person. However, he was not even present at that place on the date of the
killing. In addition to this, he is of sound intellect. Based on all this, according to the law he will
be regarded as the killer even though in reality he may not be the killer.
255
Refer to previous footnote for details.
256
That is, if the maternal grandmother or great grandmother is not present or refuses to take
the child.

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be given preference over those who are from the same father. Thereafter,
the child's maternal aunts and then the paternal aunts.
3. If the mother marries a person who is not a mahram relative of the child,
i.e. this relative is such that nikâh with him is not harâm forever, then the
mother forfeits the right of custody over the child. However, if the woman
marries a mahram relative of this child, and this relative is such that nikâh
with him is not valid (for the child), e.g. she marries the child's paternal
uncle or any other similar relative, then the mother's right of custody
remains. In the absence of the mother, if any other woman such as the
child's sister, maternal aunt, etc. marries a ghayr mahram man (i.e. a ghayr
mahram man to the child), the same rule will also apply. That is, the right
of custody over the child no longer remains with this woman.
4. The right of custody over the child had been forfeited on account of the
woman marrying a ghayr mahram (of the child). Thereafter, this man
divorced her or he passed away. The right of custody will return to this
woman ard the child will be handed over to her.
5. If, from among the relatives of the child, no woman can be found in
order to take custody of the child, the father will be the most eligible for
custody. Thereafter, the paternal grandfather will be the most eligible, and
thereafter the same order that we had mentioned in the chapter on the walî
(or guardian) at the time of nikâh, will be followed. However, if the relative
is a ghayr mahram and there is some fear over the safety of the child in the
future, then in such a case the child will be given to someone who is
reliable and trustworthy.
6. The right of custody over the child remains as long as the child does not
reach the age of seven. Once the child reaches the age of seven, the father
can take the child forcefully if he wishes to do so. The right of custody over
a girl remains until she reaches nine years of age. Once she turns nine, the
father can take her and the mother does not have the right to prevent her
from going.
The Rights of the Husband
Allah Ta'âlâ has given great rights to the husband and has attached a lot of
virtue to him. Pleasing the husband and keeping him happy is a great act of
'ibâdah and displeasing him or keeping him unhappy is a major sin.
1. Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "The woman who offers
her five times salât, fasts in the month of Ramadan, protects her honour and

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respect, and obeys her husband has the choice of entering jannah from
whichever door she wishes to enter from." This means that from the eight
doors of jannah she can enter through whichever door she wishes without
even having to knock on that door.
2. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "The woman who passes
away in such a state that her husband is pleased with her will enter jannah."
3. Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "Were I to command
anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded
the woman to prostrate- to her husband. If the husband orders his wife to
carry the boulders of one mountain to the next mountain, and the boulders
of the next mountain to a third mountain, she will have to do this."
4. Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "When the husband calls
his wife, she should go immediately to him even if she is busy at her stove."
In other words, no matter how important a task she may be busy with, she
should leave it and go to him.
5. Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "When a man calls his wife
to engage in sexual intercourse with him and she does not go and because
of this he sleeps away angrily, the angels continue cursing this woman till
the morning."
6. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "When a woman troubles
or displeases her husband in this world, the hur of jannah that has been set
aside for him says: "May Allah curse you! Do not trouble him. He is your
guest for a few days. Soon he will leave you and come to me."
7. Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "There are three types of
people whose salât is not accepted,258 nor is any other good act of theirs
accepted. One is a slave who runs away from his master. The second is a
woman whose husband is displeased with her. The third is a person who is
in a state of intoxication."
8. A person asked: "Who is the best woman?" Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi
wa sallam replied: "The best woman is one who pleases her husband when
he looks at her,2" when he asks her to do something she obeys him, and she
257
This prostration would not have been a prostration of 'ibadah. instead it would have been a
prostration of respect. However, both types of prostration have been made harâm.
258
That is, they will not receive the full reward.
259
In other words, she always adopts actions and characteristics which please the husband
when he looks at her.

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does not do anything that may displease him with regard to his wealth and
honour. "260
One of the rights of the husband is that the wife should not keep any
optional fasts nor offer any optional salât in his presence without his
permission. Among the rights of the husband is that she should not remain
in an untidy, dishevelled state. Instead, she should always remain clean and
beautiful for her husband. In fact, if she remains untidy and dishevelled
despite her husband ordering her to remain clean, he has the right of beating
her (lightly) in order that she may obey him. Another right of the husband
is that she should not leave the house without his permission irrespective of
whether it be the house of a friend, relative or anyone else.
The Method of Living with one's
It should be understood well that the intimacy and contact between husband
and wife is such that they will have to live together for the rest of their
lives. If they love each other and are compatible to each other, then there is
no greater bounty than this. And if, Allah forbid, there is conflict between
the two, then there is no greater calamity than this. Therefore, as far as is
possible, live with his heart in your hands and carry out your duties through
the mere indication of his eyes. If he orders you to tie your hands and
remain standing the entire night, then the prosperity of this world and the
hereafter is in this that you bear this minor difficulty of this world and
thereby attain the prosperity and success of the hereafter. Never do
anything that is contrary to his mood. If he regards the day as night,20 you
should also do the same.
Due to a lack of understanding and not thinking about the consequences,
some wives utter things which cause doubts and distractions to enter the
heart of the husband. At times they blurt out things on the wrong occasions,
while on other occasions they blurt out taunts and insults. Out of anger they
utter hostile statements which he abhors. When his attention turns away
from her because of all this, she goes about crying and weeping. You
should understand this well that once doubts and misgivings enter the heart
260
In other words, she uses the money that he has entrusted her with in the proper, lawful
places and does not squander his wealth. As regards protecting and safeguarding his honour, this
means that she does not engage in any unlawful relationships nor does she portray herself in a
promiscuous way because this will not only taint and blemish her honour and character, but will
also be a cause of great dishonour to her husband.
261 This is not what is actually meant. What is meant over here is that you should be totally
obedient to him.

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of the husband and you reconcile after a few days, even then the love and
mutual understanding that had prevailed prior to your argument will no
longer be the same. Irrespective of how many excuses and pardons you
may put forward, the love and clean-heartedness that had prevailed will no
longer be found. Later, when any incident takes place, the mind will always
go back to that argument and the husband will always think that this is the
same woman who had said such-and-such thing on that day. Therefore, you
should always think and ponder before saying anything or doing anything
when dealing with your husband. In doing this, you will not only gain the
pleasure of Allah and His Rasûl sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, but you
yourself will be happy in this world and in the hereafter.
It is not necessary to teach an intelligent wife anything. She is able to
differentiate between good and evil on her own. Despite this, we will
enumerate a few basic and necessary matters. Once you understand them,
you will be able to understand other issues as well.
1. Do not ask for an allowance that is beyond the financial position of your
husband. Whatever you receive, appreciate it and consider this house as
your own home and continue with life even if it is on simple food.
2. If at any time you happen to fancy some jewellery or clothing, and your
husband does not have any money on him, do not ask him nor be grieved
for not being able to obtain it. In fact, you should not even mention it. You
should think for yourself that if you ask for it, he will think that you have
no concern for him in the sense that you are asking him at such a time when
he is unable to afford to buy you such an item. In fact, even if your husband
is rich, then as far as possible you should not ask him to buy anything for
you. However, if he himself offers to buy you something or asks you if you
want anything, then there will be no harm in asking him. It should be
remembered that by asking, one's status is lowered in the eyes of people
and one is also disgraced.
3. Do not be persistent and stubborn in a particular matter. Even if it is
against you or contrary to you, let it go this time and at some later stage you
could reconcile him to your view in an appropriate manner.
4. If you experience any difficulties at your husband's home, never mention
it. Always display happiness so that he does not experience any sorrow or
grief and in so doing, his attention will always be directed towards you.
5. Whenever he brings anything for you, always express your pleasure at
receiving it irrespective of whether it is to your fancy or not. Don't say that

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this is not good and that you do not like it. If you do this, he will feel
grieved and will not like to bring anything for you in future. If you praise
him and accept it happily, he will become more generous and present you
with more gifts in future.
6. Don't come angrily and show ingratitude to the husband. Nor should you
say that you have not really experienced any joy in this dead and lifeless
house and that you have spent your entire life in difficulties and problems.
Nor should you say that your parents have destroyed your future by
immersing you in such problems and throwing you into such a fire. By
uttering such words, one's heart becomes filled with hatred.
7. It is mentioned in a Hadîth that Rasûlullah sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam
said: "I saw numerous women in hell." Someone asked him: "O Rasûlullah!
Why will many women go into hell?" He replied: "They curse others a lot
and they always show ingratitude to their husbands."
Ponder over this and think how serious it is to be ungrateful. To curse
someone, to say: "May Allah's wrath descend on so-and-so person", "May
Allah curse that person", "A certain person's face is accursed", "A certain
person's face is full of curses", etc. - are all extremely evil words.
8. If the husband is angry over a particular matter, do not say something
that will increase his anger. Whenever you wish to speak, check his mood
first. If you find that he is in a jovial mood, laugh and joke with him. But if
he is not in such a mood, do not engage in such conversation. Speak to him
according to his mood.
9. If he is angry with you over something and abstains from talking with
you, do not turn away and abstain from talking with him. Instead, smile at
him, ask him for his pardon and forgiveness, touch him, shake his hands -
in short, do whatever you can to win him over. Even if it is his fault and not
yours, you should not turn away from him. Shake his hands and regard
asking him for his pardon to be a source of pride and honour.
10. Remember, that the peace and harmony between husband and wife is
not based on mere empty love. Apart from love, it is also necessary to
respect the husband. It is a major error to consider your husband equal to
you. Don't ever ask your husband to do anything for you. If he comes to
massage your hands or head out of love, do not let him do it. Think for a
moment that if your father comes and does this to you will you allow it? So
how can you let your husband do this when his status is higher than your
father's. In your actions, your conversations, and in every aspect of your

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relationship with him always be mindful of your manners and etiquette. If it
is your fault and despite this you turn away angrily from him and refuse to
speak to him, then this is a sign of great stupidity and immaturity. Actions
of this sort cause one to become heart-broken.
11. When he returns from abroad or a distant journey, ask him about his
state, his health, whether he encountered any difficulties or not. Massage
his hands and feet, perhaps he is tired, perhaps he is hungry, make the
arrangements of preparing a meal for him. If it is hot, put on the fan and
cool him down. In short, do everything that will give him peace and
comfort. Don't ever start talking about money and how much he brought for
you or what he brought for you, or where his wallet is, etc. Whatever
money he gives you, accept it. Do not tell him that he earns so much and
that he has given you so little money or that he spent a lot of his money.
Nor should you ask him as to what he did with all his money and where he
spent it. If you coincidentally happen to ask him such questions when he is
in a good mood, there will be no harm in this.
12. If your husband's parents are alive and he gives all his money to them
and does not give anything to you, do not feel hurt about this. In fact, if he
gives you any money, intelligence demands that you do not accept it.
Instead, tell him to give it to his parents so that they do not have any evil
thoughts about you and do not say that you have taken their son under your
control.
13. As long as your in-laws are alive, regard serving them and obeying
them to be your duty and honour. Don't think about living separately from
your mother-in-law and sister-in-law because this is the root of all problems
between yourself and your mother-in-law and sister-in-law. You should
think for yourself that his parents brought him up and in this old age of
their's they got him married so that they may receive some rest and comfort.
On the contrary, the moment the daughter-in-law came into the house she is
already thinking of asking her husband to leave his mother and father
immediately. Once his mother learns that the daughter-in-law is instigating
her son to leave the house, numerous problems and squabbles ensue.
14. Live in the household in an amicable manner. From the very beginning
you must be mindful of your manners and character. Be kind to the young
and respect the elderly.
15. Do not leave your work to be carried out by others. Do not leave your
things lying around thinking that others will pick them up for you.

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16. Do not think it below your dignity to do the work that your mother-in-
law or sister-in-law is engaged in. You should take up that work without
them having to tell you. If you do this, love for you will be created in their
hearts.
17. When two persons are engaged in a secret conversation, separate
yourself from there and do not lend an ear to what they are saying. In
addition to this, do not unnecessarily think that they are speaking about
you.
18. You should also bear this in mind that you should never live dejectedly
or in an oblivious manner in your in-laws' house. Although you may not
feel at ease on account of it being a new house to you or the people being
new to you, you should try and make yourself understand and get used to
the place instead of sitting down and crying - you have just come to a new
place and you are already speaking of going!
19. You should always be careful when engaging in any conversation. Do
not speak too much that those around you begin to dislike it. Nor should
you speak so little that you do not even speak further than welcoming
someone. This is also not good and regarded as a sign of pride.
20. If you see or experience anything at your in-laws' house which you
dislike, do not go and mention it at your parent's house. It is an extremely
evil habit to go and mention everything that takes place at your in-laws'
house to your mother. It is also extremely detestable for mothers to "dig
out" every little thing from their daughters. It is mainly due to these evil
habits that quarrels, squabbles and bickering start between the two families.
Apart from this, there is no other benefit in it.
21. Keep and set all the items that belong to your husband in a neat and
orderly manner. Keep the room clean and do not let it get dirty. The bed
should not be dirty and untidy. Remove all creases and wrinkles from it. If
the pillow is dirty, change its cover. If there isn't a cover, sew one. If you do
all these things after he tells you, what good is there in that? Elegance and
beauty demands that you should put everything in order without his having
to tell you to do so.
22. Whatever is kept with you, keep it safely. If they are clothes, fold them
neatly; do not dump them nor throw them around. Instead, keep them in a
suitable place according to your convenience. Do not take any "short-cuts"
in doing your work nor give it to others to carry it out for you.

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23. Never concoct any lies. In doing so, you will lose your respect and
esteem. As a result of this, whatever truth you may speak will not be
believed or relied upon.
24. If your husband scolds or rebukes you out of anger, control yourself and
do not answer him. No matter what he says, remain silent. Once his anger
subsides, he himself will regret his actions and will become extremely
pleased with you. 'Insha' Allah, he will not get angry with you again.
However, if you do not keep quiet and display any defiance, then the entire
incident will have disastrous consequences.
25. Do not accuse your husband on minor doubts or false allegations by
saying that he jokes and laughs with a particular woman a lot, that he
frequents a particular place and you don't know what he is up to over there.
If the husband is innocent, think for yourself how upset he will be on
hearing these accusations. And if what you are accusing him of is true, by
your becoming angry, complaining or forcing him (to admit) is only going
to harm you. If you want to distant his heart away from you, you can do so
to your detriment. By your saying all these things, do you really think that
he will give up his evil habits? If you want him to give up these illicit
relationships, do it with tact and wisdom. Speak to him in privacy, make
him understand, and explain to him the evils of such relationships. If he
does not give up these relationships despite you explaining to him, despite
you making him ashamed of himself in privacy; then exercise patience. Do
not go about mentioning this to people and thereby causing him to be
disgraced. Nor should you announce this everywhere, nor try to overpower
him. In doing this, he will become more stubborn, more persistent, and
become more involved in such relationships. If you become angry, begin
mentioning it to people and try to disgrace him, the level of relationship
that prevailed will drop even further. He might even stop speaking with
you. You will end up in a sorrowful state.
Remember this very well, that Allah Ta'ala has endowed men with valour
and bravery. They cannot be overpowered by forcing them to do something
or trying to subdue them. The best way of overpowering them is to flatter
them and obey them. Becoming angry at them and trying to influence them
is a big mistake and a sign of immaturity. Although you may not
understand the evil consequences of this now, once there is an outbreak of
dissension and quarrelling, the evil consequences of this will definitely
appear at some time or the other.

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In Lucknow, there is a woman whose husband is extremely immoral. He
spends all his time in the company of a prostitute and never ever goes home
to his wife. The audacity of this prostitute is that she used to send orders to
his wife, that she must cook so-and-so meal today and send it for her. This
poor wife does not take any offence to this. She cooks whatever the
prostitute orders and sends it out to her,202 she never ever complains or
thinks twice about sending this food. Now, you see for yourself, how all the
people around her must be praising her, let alone the reward that she will
receive from Allah Ta'âlâ. The day Allah Ta'âlâ guides this husband of hers
and he gives up this illicit relationship, he will definitely return to his wife
and become her slave.
The Method of Bringing up Children
It should be borne in mind that the bringing up of children in the proper
manner is of prime importance. This is because whatever good or bad
habits they learn in their childhood, they do not leave them for the rest of
their lives. From the time of infancy till they reach maturity, the following
matters should be strictly adhered to:
1. Ensure that the child drinks the milk of a pious, religious woman. Milk
has a great effect in the life of a person.
2. It is the habit of women to frighten their children by mentioning the
police or other frightening persons or objects. This is an evil habit. Children
become weak-hearted because of this.
3. Set aside specific times for making him drink his milk or feeding him so
that he may remain healthy.
4. Keep him clean, neat and tidy because one remains healthy in this way.
5. Do not beautify and adorn the child excessively.
6. If the child is a boy, do not lengthen the hair on his head.
7. If it is a girl, do not make her wear any jewellery as long as she does not
reach the age where she has to observe purdah. This is because this will
pose a danger to her life. The other reason is that it is not a good habit to
create a love for jewellery in a girl's mind when she is still so young.
262
It is not the intention of the wife to serve this prostitute. Instead, her intention is to obey her
husband irrespective of what he may be involved in. She is not accountable for his actions.
However, if this wife does not have any fear, she can inform him that he must not give any of this
food to this prostitute.

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8. Have the habit of handing over the responsibility of distributing food,
clothing, money, etc. that is to be given to poor people to your children.
Similarly, give them the task of distributing food, sweets, etc. to their
brothers, sisters and other children. This is so that they will inculcate the
practice of generosity. However, you should remember that you must only
ask them to distribute those things that belong to you. It is not permissible
for anyone to ask them to distribute those items or things that belong to
them from the Shar'î point of view.
9. You should mention the harms of over-eating to them. However, do not
mention anyone by name. Instead, tell them that the one who eats too much
is regarded as an ox (or any other similar example).
10. If it is a boy, incline him towards wearing white clothes and create a
dislike in his heart for colourful and gaudy clothing by telling him that such
clothes are worn by women and that he is a man. You should always teach
him in this way.
11. If it is a girl, do not give her the habit of worrying too much about
plaiting and parting her hair or wearing very stylish clothing.
12. When a child persists or insists on having something, do not fulfil all
his wishes or else he will become spoilt.
13. Prevent the child from talking very loudly or shouting. Especially if it is
a girl and she speaks in this loud shouting manner, you should scold her
and reprimand her. If you do not do this, this habit will remain when she
grows up.
14. Safeguard your child from speaking or mixing with children who have
evil habits, who are not interested in their learning, who are in the habit of
wearing stylish clothes or eating extravagant dishes.
15. Always inculcate a hatred for the following actions in your child, i.e.
teach him to hate the following acts:
(a) becoming angry,
(b) speaking lies,
(c) envying someone,
(d) stealing,
(e) carrying tales,
(f) defending whatever he does or says,
(g) to unnecessarily "make up" stories,
(h) speaking excessively without any benefit,
(i) laughing unnecessarily or laughing excessively,

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(j) cheating or deluding someone,
(k) not thinking about or not differentiating between good and bad.
If any of these acts or traits are found in him, stop him immediately and
warn him.
16. If he breaks something or begins to hit someone, punish him
accordingly so that he does not repeat such acts. Loving the child,
consoling him or allowing him to commit such acts always causes the child
to become "lost" or spoilt.
17. Do not allow the child to sleep very early.
18. The habit of waking up early should be inculcated in the child.
19. When the child reaches the age of seven, inculcate the habit of offering
salât.
20. Once he reaches the age wherein he can go to madrasah, first teach him
to recite the Quran.
21. As far as is possible, make him learn under a religious-minded teacher.
22. Don't ever allow him to absent himself from going to madrasah.
23. Set aside certain times in which you narrate stories of the pious to him.
24. Do not allow the child to look at books that contain love stories, stories
that are contrary to the Shari'ah, stories that are obscene or that have no
benefit, love poems, etc.
25. Give them books that cover the different aspects of the Dîn, and books
that cover the necessary aspects of this world.
26. Once the child returns from the madrasah, permit him to play around in
order to occupy him and so that he does not become dull-headed. However,
the games must be such that there is no sin in playing them and at the same
time there is no fear of physical injury.
27. Do not give the child any money to purchase fireworks, musical instruments
or any other similar unnecessary items which amount to wasting of money.
28. The habit of watching games, matches, etc. should not be inculcated in
the child.
29. Always teach your children some sort of hobby or trade which will help
them at the time of need or necessity whereby they can support their families.
30. Teach girls to write to the extent that they are able to write necessary
letters and also work out the expenses of the house.
31. The habit of doing their own work should be inculcated in the children
so that they do not become dependent and lazy. You should order them to
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neaten their beds again. They should keep their clothes neatly. Clothes that
become undone or torn should be stitched by themselves. Clothes that are
clean or dirty should be kept in a place where there is no fear of moths.
32. Emphasize on the girls to check the jewellery that they are wearing
before they go to sleep and once they wake up the following morning.
33. You should order the girls to watch attentively at the cooking, sewing,
threading, dying, and all the other work that is carried out at home so that
they will also learn these things.
34. When the child does something good, praise him, kiss him, reward him
so that he will feel happy. When he commits an evil act, call him aside in
privacy and make him understand that he has committed an evil act and that
others will think bad of him, and that whoever else comes to know of it will
also think bad of him. You should warn him against committing such an act
again and explain to him that good children do not do such things. If he
repeats that act, punish him appropriately.
35. It is the duty of the mother to create respect for the father in the child's
heart.
36. Do not allow the child to do anything secretly. This is irrespective of
whether it is some game, food or any other act. If he does anything secretly,
you should immediately understand that he regards it to be evil. If the act is
in fact evil, teach him to abstain from it. If it is a good act, such as eating or
drinking, then tell him to eat and drink in the presence of others.
37. Set aside some strenuous work for the children which will keep them
healthy, energetic and which will not allow laziness to overtake them. If it
is a boy, he should do gymnastics, weightlifting or walking for a few
kilometres. As for girls, it is necessary for them to work with the grinding
stone and spinning wheel. The benefit of doing these things is that they will
not regard such work to be below their dignity.
38. When walking, teach them not to walk very swiftly, nor should they
raise their gazes when walking.
39. Inculcate the habit of humility in them. Their manner of speaking,
walking, conversing, etc. should be such that they do not become boastful.
They should be taught humility to such an extent that they should not even
sit with their classmates and boast about their clothes, house, family, books,
pens, ink, exercise books, etc.
40. Occasionally you should give them some money so that they may
purchase whatever they wish. However, inculcate the habit in them that
they should not conceal whatever they buy.

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41. Teach them the etiquette and manners of eating, sitting and standing in
gatherings. We will now enumerate a few of these etiquette:
The etiquette of eating
1. Eat with the right hand.
2. Read Bismillâh in the beginning.
3. Eat the food that is in front of you.
4. Do not commence eating before others.
5. Do not ogle or stare at the food.
6. Do not look at those who are eating.
7. Do not eat very quickly.
8. Chew the food well.
9. Do not take another morsel as long as the morsel that is in your mouth is
not chewed and swallowed.
10. Do not allow the gravy and other liquids to drip onto the clothes.
11. The fingers should not be allowed to become too messy.
The etiquette of gatherings
1. Whoever you meet, meet with respect and speak kindly.
2. Do not spit in gatherings nor clean your nose. But if there is a need to do
so, excuse yourself and go to another place.
3. If you have to yawn or sneeze, cover your mouth with your hands and try
to muffle the sound.
4. Do not face your back towards anyone.
5. Do not face your feet towards anyone.
6. Do not sit by placing your hand under your chin.
7. Do not crack your fingers.
8. Do not look in the direction of anyone repeatedly and unnecessarily.
9. Remain seated with respect.
10. Do not speak excessively.
11. Do not take oaths over trivial matters.
12. As far as possible, do not commence with any conversation. When the
other person speaks, listen attentively so that his spirits are not dampened.
However, if it is a sinful conversation, do not listen. Either stop him, or
leave that place.
13. As long as a person does not complete whatever he wishes to say, do
not interrupt him.

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14. If someone comes and wishes to sit in the gathering and there is no
place, make way for that person and sit closely so that he may be able to get
some place.
15. When you meet someone or bid them farewell, say As-salamu
'alaykum, and when replying to someone's salaam, say Wa 'alaykumus
salâm. Do not utter other forms of greeting.
HUQÛQ - RIGHTS
The Rights of Parents
1. You should not cause them any harm even if they commit any excesses.
2. Respect and honour them in your speech and dealings with them.
3. Obey them in permissible acts.
4. If they are in need of money, assist them even if they are kâfirs.
5. The following rights are due to parents after their death:
(a) Continue making du'âs of forgiveness and mercy for them.
Continue sending rewards to them in the form of optional acts of
worship and charity on their behalf.
(b) Meet their friends and relatives in a friendly way and also assist
them wherever possible.
(c) If you have the finances, fulfil their unpaid debts and the
permissible bequests that they have made.
(d) When they pass away, abstain from crying and wailing aloud or
else their souls will be troubled.
6. According to the Shari'ah, the rights of the paternal and maternal
grandparents are similar to those of the parents and they should be regarded
as such.
7. Similarly, the rights of the maternal and paternal uncles and aunts are
similar to those of the parents. This has been deduced from certain
'Ahâdîth. (Rasûlullâh sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "The maternal aunt
has the status of one's mother." - Tirmidhî)
The wet-nurse
Meet her with respect. If she is in need of money and you are able to help
her, then help her.